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| Ezra, 1 Hour Old |
Tuesday, January 24Lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, probably 200 during the daytime. No pain but a noticeable hard belly and my poor little bladder would get wrung like a sponge with each one. This felt like a good sign that baby would be coming soon. Matthew and I went on a date, giddy with the idea that this might be our last date night in a long time.
Wednesday, January 25
From about 5-7 am, I’d awaken briefly to slightly more painful contractions (2/3 on a 1-10 scale). They weren’t enough to really awaken me but I mentioned it to Matthew and we agreed our baby might arrive today. I was grateful for having had a good night’s sleep because I knew I’d need all possible energy for labor.
We went about our days as planned, Matthew taking Noah to preschool and going to work, me picking up our bulk food order and savoring a leisurely latte at a favorite café (knowing that this also would be the last time I enjoyed this leisure activity in a very long time!). I did call Audrey, the midwife, and let my Mom know she might want to get ready for driving in from SC. Contractions were about every 8 minutes or so, just painful enough for me to pause whatever I was doing but not enough to take my breath away.
At preschool pick up, I casually mentioned to a few friends that I thought the baby might join us today or tomorrow. I felt a quiet excitement and planned to go for an afternoon woods walk to see what transpired.
I noticed a few drops of brown in my undies before leaving to meet Aura for our 2 pm walk. I let the midwife know and put on a pad. About 3 pm, I felt a gush of fluid but because we were on a semi-public path, I decided not to check for whether it was amniotic fluid or bloody show (turned out to be amniotic fluid). The contractions definitely began increasing in pain and frequency, perhaps a 3 to 4 for pain and every 6 minutes or so. We finished our walk and headed home about 3:30.
My mood went from casual to urgent the second I got home. Noah’s talking to me during a contraction was suddenly very distracting. When I saw the brown/green fluid in my pad, I called Audrey and asked Matthew to come home “within the hour.” Audrey and her assistant midwife, Edie, were on their way. I cancelled going in to work that evening. I started preparing our room by folding laundry and pulling out baby clothes/blankets/birthing supplies. I made a pot of rice into rice pudding, thinking that would be a yummy post-partum dish. I wanted the “nest” ready and now!
By 4 pm, I needed to get on all fours for contractions, moaning a deep, throaty “Ommmmmm.” Matthew texted, asking if he should pick up anything at Whole Foods, and I told him he needed to come home now.
With some of my first contractions, Noah looked very concerned and gave me a big, comforting hug. With some of the later ones, he looked more peeved, telling me to get off his TV couch and that he couldn’t hear his cartoons over my noises!
Matthew arrived home about 4:30 and began setting up the birthing tub. Edie arrived shortly thereafter and began setting up supplies. Contractions were intense now-probably a 6 to 7 in pain and coming every 3 to 4 minutes but there was a definite rest in between them. I remember calling my Mom to ask how far away she was and having to put the phone down during a contraction. Hope that wasn’t too scary for her…
Audrey arrived about 5 and made comments that we were very close to having our baby. She didn’t check me, she just knew from my noises and behavior. Gotta love midwife intuition! I was relieved to hear this because, by now, I was mostly on all fours, hugging the birthing ball and asking Matthew to apply counter pressure to my sacrum. He was managing this and a loud, chatty, curious Noah, which was difficult for him and distracting for me. I was bellowing out a deep, low “Ommmm” during contractions still and Noah mentioned that he didn’t like that noise. He also took the birthing ball away from me at one point! I had a brief dip into the birthing tub but the water was too tepid to stay for long. Got dried off and continued the hands and knees position with the birthing ball.
Matthew's Mom, Bepi, arrived about 6:00. Pain was 7 to 8 and contractions were about every 2 minutes with less and less time in between. I felt some of that hysterical fear that I couldn’t make it through. I was finding it hard to make use of the rest periods, remaining tense instead of relaxed. My low moans got higher pitched and I felt real self-doubt that I could bring this baby out. Audrey encouraged Noah to go downstairs with Grandma Bepi so I could be more focused.
By 6 pm or so, Audrey was urging me to position my tailbone more downward to the earth and push, as if with my rectum. Can I just say how surprising it was once again to realize the pushing of labor feels much more focused on a woman’s rectum than vagina? I mention it because the realization really helped me focus my body in a more fruitful way (that might be a pun). Audrey also encouraged me to stop vocalizing and instead contain all my noise and breath as part of the pushing sensation.
My Mom arrived at 6:30. I went into a deep mental state about now, realizing that I had to truly commit to bringing this baby out. I had the insight that I had been, in fact, more committed to avoiding the pain than to pushing through it, and it wasn’t going to work that way. The only way out was through. I used this insight and encouragement from everyone in the room (Audrey had called Noah and Bepi upstairs and I heard him cheering on the baby on his way up the stairs, which was hugely helpful) to push harder than I thought possible until I felt his head crown. Several pushes later, I felt his slippery body slip out with a gush of fluid. 6:43 was the time, they tell me. I collapsed with relief, in that moment, more glad to be done than curious about my baby.
We cleaned up and quickly settled on the bed to cuddle and nurse. We love each other all ready.
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