SAHM

If you don't know what a SAHM is, you're probably not one! For the first time since my maternity leave with 2 year old Noah, I am a stay at home mom (SAHM). Until we leave for North Carolina (probably mid-February, depends a great deal on when we get our Austin house rented) and I start work at the dance studio there, I'm Noah's primary caregiver while Matthew's at work. We no longer have a nanny and I no longer need to wear heels or hose (ha!-I never wore hose, but I occasionally wore heels, in stark contrast to the SAHM uniform of T-shirts, jeans and comfy shoes!). The first week was a bit rough but I'm proud to be finding peace and a sense of rhythm in my new role.

The major challenge to full time parenting is finding a way to keep a 2 year old active and occupied for many more hours a day. This "let's keep busy" way of being rubs against my more contemplative, let's-find-joy-in-stillness frame of mind. For example, I am not someone who shops as a hobby, meaning I don't go to the mall or Target just to browse and maybe buy something that catches my eye. I shop to buy the very specific items I went in for and I've never much enjoyed even that. Yet, department and grocery stores, unless they have a ton of breakable, precious stuff on the bottom shelves, are great for kids: bright lights, noisy, lots to look at, many people coming and going. Some stores (thank you, Barnes & Noble!) even have giant train sets in their well-appointed children's area and elevators which we ride up and down at least 4 times every visit. We go to shopping areas almost every day now.

Noah's a great city traveler, so we take the car, bike or stroller to parks and playgroups. We also manage the daily household things like grocery shopping for dinner and picking up a "For Rent" sign at Home Depot. It seems there's an endless supply of these little tasks to manage in preparation for the move. Noah goes to Home Depot so much (his Papa is a remodeler, after all) that he calls it by name ("Home Peepo") and knows it by sight. I may be a stay at home mom but this mom doesn't spend a whole lotta time at home!

I've had to find a new schedule for "me" time and have been relishing my hot yoga classes several mornings a week. It gets me in a good space for being loving, present and patient with my little one all day, which is really hard to do. Noah's language skills mean he talks non-stop and I really miss being able to work in a quiet office without interruption. It's hard to maintain a peaceful mind amidst his joyful ruckus! Another benefit of more regular, more challenging yoga is that I'm stronger and 35 lb Noah's requests for "me carry you" are no longer so difficult to fulfill.

I look forward to returning to paid work again but this full time parenting gig is pretty good. Curious to hear any thoughts, reactions you have to the idea of stay at home parenting. For those of you who are SAHMs, what tips or strategies do you employ (pun intended) to maintain your happiness amidst the noise?

Embracing Change

Matthew and I headed
out on our first big adventure together,
a hiking trip to the Adirondacks,
Summer 1996

I'm a person who thrives on a steady routine with just a splash of excitement. I like knowing that Mondays generally look like this and Saturdays go like that, though I appreciate changing it up now and again with holidays and vacations and plain old spontaneity. I take a long time contemplating major life changes like changing jobs or choosing to become a parent, or, more presently, moving to a new city. Even when the time changes for Daylight Savings Time, I do these mental calculations of what hour it used to be. Talk about clinging to the past!

Maybe it's because Matthew and I decided a few years ago that we would eventually make this move to Durham, maybe it's affirmation that this move is the right next step for us, but I find myself really embracing the change. I'm getting rid of needless clutter with gusto, thanks to Freecycle (where people will happily claim your used neti pot and 10 year old issues of Fine Woodworking magazine). Even in advance of the move, I'm adopting a "change-positive" mindset. For example, I purchased an unlimited pass to a new yoga studio, one that heats the room to 90 degrees and leaves me sweaty and exhilarated after each practice (not to mention sore the next day). This, after attending the same yoga studio for 5 (five!) years. Love ya, Dharma Yoga, but I wanted something new (she shrugs, feigning nonchalance).

Another source of this "change-positive" attitude is our recently meeting with an amazing therapist to address some of those relationship "ruts" that are inevitable after 13 (thirteen!) years together. I wish we'd done this earlier (a good therapist is worth the $100/hour, I know that now). I am truly sorry we can't take our therapist with us to Durham, because he's so skilled and in only a few sessions has helped us to see more clearly what the other needs to feel loved and cherished. Deciding who will take out the garbage or care for Noah on Thursday night is a lot easier when each partner feels appreciated and cared for on a regular basis!

How about you, are you happiest when you're doing something new and novel or are you a Steady Susan?