Joy to the World: A Child is Born

A year ago today my body began preparations to birth Noah. Of course, he didn't have a name then, my ephemeral baby from another realm, and he took a couple of days to fully arrive. I have felt such nostalgia lately, as the weather has changed to winter, the season of his birth, as I listen to the Pandora soundtrack I was listening to then, as Christmas is almost here. I had a sense then that this baby's arrival would change everything, but what could I know? I knew nothing in specifics, it turns out, just that bringing life into this world was a sacred responsibility and I was lucky* to experience it.

And he has changed everything. We are intertwined and in sync on the bodily (cellular?) level. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of him (that's when I'm away from him; when we are together, not a minute goes by that I don't wonder if he's tipping the dogs' water bowl, banging dangerously hard on the window, did I leave the toilet seat up, is he crying?).

Happy almost birthday, my precious, beloved Noah.

*as a chosen pregnancy, in a loving relationship, in the modern world, with all the resources of medicine and the benefits of modern, skillful midwifery

Harmony Within Complexity

Like most years that we've lived in Austin, Matthew and I enjoyed Thanksgiving with members of our urban tribe. We generally opt against traveling to be with our families for this holiday because it seems too far and so expensive for just one meal. The members of our tribe shift from year to year (expanding, mostly, but we lose folks to attrition, too. While Austin is a place that attracts immigrants, I've noticed a trend where, after a few years or so, many of these folks feel the pull of their hometowns and leave Austin). This year's meal featured more children than ever before, no doubt because we've spawned recently!

Our friends Gray and Peter (Gray, Matthew and I attended tiny Earlham College together ten years ago!) hosted and I counted 7 adults and 4 kids. It was a dynamic gathering, as is the requirement when you have 4 kids under the age of 4 in the same home. We were able to have adult-to-adult conversations over a fantastic meal, but they were frequently interrupted by children in need of redirection, soothing, nursing, a trip to the potty, and so on. I really enjoyed the flow of energy, though, as a beautiful collective spirit developed and we adults tended to whichever child was near and needing attention, whether they were "ours" or not.

As taxing as I find one needy child when I am busy or distracted, the burdens of parenting lessen in a social setting of pooled responsibility and concern. I've experienced this over and over and these experiences help me understand the benefits of more communal living.

Both Matthew and I expressed how enjoyable this gathering was and he remarked that, though it seems contradictory, he thinks the more people there are in a gathering, the easier it is to meet everyone's needs in a harmonious way. I think he's right, so long as there are not any overtly dysfunctional elements. I don't have the social theory to back up this observation, but it rings true to me. It's got us thinking about ways we might increase our sense of connectedness to our community.

Closing Open Doors

The negative side of being planful (that's me!) is being worrisome, fretful and so future-oriented that I hardly notice the present. I sometimes close off options prematurely in my mind before I even try the experience or let it guide me toward a solution. For examples, when I was pregnant with Noah, I anticipated that I would not continue commuting by bicycle to my job at the clinic because Matthew and I would have tight schedules and very little overlap. There just wouldn't be time. Turns out we found a wonderful nanny and worked out a more relaxed work schedule that allowed me to bike to work as much as I wanted. Laziness was more the obstacle than logistics!

When I changed jobs five months ago to a more professional position located in a fancy office building downtown, I anticipated that I wouldn't continue my bike commute because the ride was a good 15 minutes more each way and how could I wear professional clothing while on a bike? Well, I've found ways to make it work, including wearing running tights under skirts on the cold mornings and packing deodorant in my handbag. I'm managing to bike 1-2 times a week now and I love the benefits, mainly that I show up to work fully oxygenated and I arrive home at 2:30 in the afternoon having had my exercise for the day.

I recently agreed to host my older brother and nephew for ten days. I don't get to see them often and this was a pretty special opportunity to be together. As their arrival time grew near, I found myself feeling worried about the visit. We have a small house with one bathroom-might a 3.5 year old need frequent, immediate access to the toilet to prevent accidents? Our process of nightweaning Noah regularly leads to 40 minute screaming spells at 4:00 am; how can I subject them to that? I get batty when I don't get enough solitude; with Noah sleeping in our bedroom, how will I get the quiet I need to reset my batteries and fill my cup? The concerns just went on and on and on...They hadn't even arrived and I was drinking in a toxic brew of misery and stress.

And now they're here and it's going wonderfully. Imagine what I could have done with all that mental energy had I harnessed it for something positive and actual instead of an imagined doomsday??? Check out the 2 minute video from a recent morning meal: